Why It Sucks to Be a Civilian in the Marvel Universe
A day in the life of a civilian
Story by wealthshademayowa@gmail.com
Most people wake up to an alarm...
But you is a different thing
Just another morning in Marvel New York.
RENT IS DUE! AND PAY FOR THE REPAIRS YOURSELF!
How did he even get in here to know i have damages?
Maybe he's a mutant whose power is filing taxes with psychic abilities.
Then You stumble to the bathroom to take your bathe.
But the mirror... glitches.
Half my reflection is stuck in Earth-838.
Scarlet Witch is having another breakdown somewhere.
You step outside.
The street smells like smoke, shawarma, and PTSD.
IS THAT ANT-MAN USING MY UBER AS A FOOTSTOOL?!
"Delayed indefinitely due to multiversal anomalies."
That's just code for Deadpool stealing a train again.
So, you walk.
Halfway to the office-
IRON MAN!
The sonic boom knocks your coffee right out of your hand.
Scalding hot. Straight onto your white shirt.
Just Gotten to office, then the boss show up
Rough morning?
Rough? Hmmm.
Yeah. Traffic.
Because how will you begin to explain yourself
Finally at peace for few hours then...
PLEASE EVACUATE! A KAIJU-LEVEL THREAT HAS ENTERED U.S. AIRSPACE!
sigh ...Not again.
You get outside and see it.
A massive alien worm smashing through Midtown
I'm not shocked. I'm annoyed.
It's 2:17 p.m. Am I still getting paid for this?
From nowhere, Captain America throws his shield... misses...
and decapitates the CitiBike rack.
THAT WAS MY RIDE HOME!
The fight ends with a tsunami of dust.
You don't flinch. Experience has taught you well.
The smoke clears. The worm is dead.
The heroes pose for press photos.
But my office building is completely flattened.
My 9-to-5 is now a 0-to-0.
You walk home.
But your apartment block is blocked by National Guard troops.
Quarantine. Stark tech residue.
So now you're in a FEMA tent by the Hudson.
With fifty strangers and a raccoon that might be Rocket.
Are you okay?
👍
Because explaining that you're eating cold beans while dodging alien tentacles is too complicated.
You step out of the tent for fresh air.
Another explosion lights up the skyline.
You realize the truth.
I'm not a hero.
I'm not a villain.
I'm not even a side character.
This is your life.
And it's only Tuesday.
